


Betwixt Wind and Water

by Hllangel



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-25
Updated: 2011-09-25
Packaged: 2017-10-24 00:42:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/256937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hllangel/pseuds/Hllangel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve's been making a hard choice for most of his life. Now, he doesn't have to choose.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Betwixt Wind and Water

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [The New Pub](http://thenewpub.livejournal.com) in three parts for the prompts: "choosing between love and a life in the military," "celebrating the repeal of DADT," and "On the front lines." Unbeta'ed, concrit welcome.

Steve is twelve the first time he looks at his best friend and feels a pull in his stomach that's not hunger or dehydration or his kid sister punching him. He does nothing about it because they may be only twelve, but Steve knows that he's not supposed to feel that way about his male best friend. Saying something about it is probably the surest way Steve knows to lose Chris as his friend. Mary had told him that she heard from John who got it from Alex that Jacob Smith, that weird kid who was always by himself had done the same thing. Steve likes the way things are, and he's not going to risk it.

 

Of course, it all becomes a moot point when he's sent to the mainland at age fifteen, still grieving for his mother and not even thinking about what things should or should not be like. He never gets a chance to say goodbye.

He's seventeen when his stomach flops over itself in that same barely-remembered way, this time for one of the other guys on the football team. He doesn't have issues in the showers the way he hears about in rumors, because it's the way Adam looks when he pulls off his helmet, hair sticking to his forehead and sweat running into his eyes that has Steve's heart racing, leaving him short of breath for reasons that aren't caused by running sprints in the heat.

Now, of course, he knows what words like _fag_ and _queer_ and _gay_ mean, and he'll be damned if he lets anyone attach them to him. He wants to join the Navy next year. He's already joined ROTC, and he's pretty familiar with section 654, so letting anyone see past the chinks in his armor means that his long-planned on career won't happen.

Besides, he has Elizabeth these days. She's sweet and gentle and doesn't question him when he wants to spend more time with the guys on the team. She claims it gives her more time to study, and since he knows that she wants to get into Columbia, it all works out.

When he signs his papers and heads off to Annapolis, he tells himself that it's just youthful experimentation, and that he's left it behind him. Just like he left Chris behind, all those years ago.

He's where he wants to be, and that has to be enough.

The third time it happens, Steve's been back in Hawaii for barely more than a day and Danny Williams has a gun on him.

Reserve status means nothing when it comes to the violation he's now staring squarely in the face, but he's damn well not going to let it go this time. Not with Obama in the White House and a congress that might actually push through a repeal. So instead of taking his father's murder case and running with it the way he desperately wants - it's too raw and personal and full of things that Steve doesn't understand yet - he keeps Danny on the case and ropes him into his new task force.

The next year is both the best Steve's ever had and the worst. Danny is a nearly flawless partner, but Steve has problems keeping their partnership at work separate from from his personal issues, and before he knows it he's Uncle Steve to Danny's daughter, and the one Danny calls when things go to shit with Rachel and Stan.

On September 20th, Steve calls in sick just to have the day off for the first time in his life. He spends the morning swimming and running and resolutely not thinking about how things are changing around him, and how desperately he needs things to stay the same. They're still Five-0, no matter who Steve decides to bring to bed now.

The only person he talks to all day is Catherine, and at the end of it they're still friends, which is a big relief for Steve. He ignores the way Danny hasn't even sent him a "feel better" text.

Once the clock hits noon and it's now acceptable to drink, Steve goes to a bar. A gay bar. One that he'd never let himself even consider before today. He's spent long enough in the service that he can pick out those on active duty by their hair. Everyone is celebrating, and it seems that Steve is late to the party, despite the early hour. He doesn't personally know anyone here, but he knows everyone because they're _family_ , in all senses of the word.

He chats with a few people, firmly turning down offers to go home or to dinner or just to the back room. Steve knows who he wants, and until he gets a definite _no, Steven, what the hell are you thinking?_ on that front, he's not going to pursue anything or anyone else, even though he's almost tempted when a good looking, halfway familiar guy leans up against the bar next to him and says, "long time no see, Stevie."

His features have changed, but his eyes are exactly the same, and Steve suddenly finds himself enveloped in a warm hug. "It's good to see you, Chris."

There's years of distance between them, but something of their old friendship remains, and Steve tells Chris about his life in the Navy, his return to Hawaii and the reason he couldn't make himself say goodbye all those years ago.

Chris gives him a gentle kiss on the mouth, and Steve's eyes flutter shut in spite of himself. "It took me a long time to get over you, McGarrett."

Steve grabs Chris' hand and gives it a gentle squeeze, because he's not sure he has the right words for how he's feeling right now.

This is, of course, when Danny finds them and barges in on their moment.

"Funny, McGarrett, you look really sick to me."

Danny then pushes between the two of them and leaves his completely full beer on the counter next to Steve's before turning and pushing his way out through the boisterous crowd, and Steve freezes, powerless to stop it from happening.

He probably stares at the spot where Danny disappeared a bit too long, because when Chris nudges him in the ribs it startles him a lot more than it should.

"Go," he says, handing Steve's phone back to him. (When did I give him my phone? Steve wonders somewhere in the back of his mind. He'll deal with it later.) "I put my number in. We'll catch up later, and you can introduce me to shorty over there the way I know you want to."

"He's not that short," Steve says.

"Yeah, he is," Chris says, "but I'm sure that doesn't matter when you're not standing up. Now go!"

Steve does.

He finds Danny in the parking lot, fighting with the door handle for access to the inside. Steve doesn't have to be too close to hear what Danny's saying to said door, because Danny's loud, and has a tendency to get progressively louder as he gets more frustrated.

"I'm pretty sure calling Triple-A means using the phone," Steve says. It earns him a glare that really should not make him catch his breath in _that_ way because Danny is definitely angry at him. Very angry. He bites his lip, pulls out the spare key that he keeps and clicks the button, unlocking the door.

But because everything is going wrong tonight, it unlocks exactly when Danny is trying to pull it open by a combination of sheer force and willpower and he stumbles backwards. Steve catches him before he goes down. "I'm sorry," he says.

"I shouldn't have come here," Danny says, backing away from Steve.

"What, here tonight or here as in the island in general, because call me crazy, but I thought you were starting to like it."

Danny is resolutely not looking at Steve. "Either. Both. It doesn't matter. Go back inside. Have fun with what's his name, I'll see you at work tomorrow."

Steve suddenly knows that this is it. He either throws all his cards on the table or loses everything, and he's never been the type to back down before. According to Danny, that's one of his worse qualities, but Steve hopes that after the next few seconds he'll change his mind.

Danny is making his move to get in the car and drive away, but Steve grabs his shoulders and presses him up against the back door, stepping in so that he can't escape easily.

"Steve, what the fuck---"

The rest of the phrase is lost as Steve kisses him, keeping his hands where they are until Danny relaxes and opens up, drawing Steve in with his arms, his lips.

Steve can hold his breath for more than three minutes when swimming under water, but he only lasts seconds before he's feeling lightheaded and has to break his mouth away to gulp in air. He snakes his arms around Danny's back, holding him as close as he can get.

"I've been wanting to do that since I met you," he confesses, before kissing Danny again.

"By all means, let's do this in a parking lot," Danny says. Steve wants to protest something, either Danny's sarcastic tone or the fact that Danny has to stop kissing him to say it, but Danny's finger is on his lips preventing him from getting any of it out.

"There are many places that are appropriate to get naked with someone for the first time. Most of them involve beds, and I'm given to understand that you actually have one." He removes his finger from Steve's mouth just long enough to give him a quick peck on the lips. "So get in the car, you dumbass. I'm driving."


End file.
